Anya's musings:

'Other random thoughts and ideas' now include this. I first shared this back in 2005, after my first burn, and thought of this as I read the intention of the project. It's been a while since I've re-read post, and i like the idea of being vulnerable and putting this into the community today:

O my Beloved!
Take me,
Liberate my soul,
Fill me with your love,
and release me from both worlds.

If I set my heart
On anything but you,
O fire, burn me from inside!

O my Beloved
Take away what I want,
Take away what I do,
Take away everything
that takes me from you.

– Rumi

This is my first time seeing myself as 'myself':

Me...written to me...:

You own part of me. You own a part of me that no one else has ever seen. A part of me that no one else has ever looked deep enough into my soul to see. You have touched me in ways that are sacred, you have lifted my spirit, given hope to life and made me understand the fleeting reality of my presence in this form. The love I have felt for you is on a deeper level and the connection I feel with you is unbroken, unyielding, and everlasting. Do not ever question that, and you know that Whatever you ask, want, or need of me, I am here.

Please look deep within and ask yourself who I truly am. You know the real Anya, you have known me and seen me develop throught many chapters of my life. You have always identified with my true self. From the first moment you saw me you knew me.

Me..again:

I know who you are Anya. Just not sure who you are in relation to me. There is a big difference. If I could define my parameter's I could be more clear or rather safe. But I don’t want to define anything, once I have defined it looses its beauty, its mystery. My love has always been alive, spontaneous, open, vulnerable, innocent.

To truly love you I know I need to give you infinite space. My being is just a space for you to grow in, to grow with. The mind is tricky though and wants possession, and then love is destroyed. Love is scarier than death. In death, only the body dies, in love the ego dies. It take great guts to really love. The greater the risk, the greater the possibility of growth. This kind of love is so rare. Most people think they are in love but they are just allowing their parameter's to meet. Two entities at their core merge, it’s a different game. Love is the greatest danger there is. It demands everything. Mediocre love is so much easier.

I do resolve to honor you as a radiant collaborator in the development of the soul. I hope that we always remind each other of our own obedience to spirit. I think that is what we love in each other. That is where the shakti comes from. I promise my best to offer you the purest water and put my ego aside so you can see your highest reflection. Know that I love you and will always embrace your true self. And no, I don’t own anything of you. I have always loved you by letting you go. We are freedom riders my dear. I will meet you in that realm.

Me...now:

The idea of being reborn, or shedding and dying, ego-death or other-wise, is foreign unless the circumstances have been put together, like puzzle pieces. At Nowhere, as at Burning man, those circumstances can be created in a short time. Shedding, releasing, dying and killing those parts that serve you wrong is no small feat but it is done every year by people like, you, and me..we do it all, build it all, struggle and sacrifice for that one moment when we take that exhale and shed, shed, shed...Sometimes I forget that all it is is just a moment!

I’d love to see chanting, music, singing, release in every form...My Jewish part loves and connects with ritual, and there is plenty of ritual out there for ego death. Year after year I come back from these moments as an empty vessel, missing the grime and dirt, the fill that is my story and with the emptyness that is my true self.